Gaze Upon The Glory That Is My Pimp Hands

Playing WoW last night, I happened to notice my friend Brian's shaman had some cool fist weapons on. When I inspected his character, I recieved a completely awesome surprise.

I regret only that I am too high level to use these now. However, this does not mean that I won't go back to Outlands just to get them. Time to save vs. vanity!

The Morality Of Adventuring

The more I play WoW, the more I wonder what kind of character I'm actually playing. You start out playing the game fresh-faced and ready to fight the Scourge, but what you wind up doing is clearing some scorpids out that are threatening travellers. Boring, but innocuous enough. Then, as the game progresses a bit, you'll get some quests where some quilboars are bothering people in the Crossroads, and you need to go thin their numbers. Now we're talking about killing sentient humanoid creatures. Dirty work, for sure, but it's saving the lives of the citizens of the Horde, right? Well, as they say, "War is Hell". You do what you have to.

Just Following Orders

I don't know whether it's just me, or if I'm noticing it more now, but it feels like the further I get in the game, the more morally questionable the things I have to do for quest become. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, I seem to remember there being a big controversy brewing about a quest involving torture about the time I bought the WotLK expansion. But I do find myself getting the occasional quest where my gut reaction is "you know, I really want the XP, but I'm not crazy about what's going on here".

There's a quest where you have to steal Wolvar pups and give them to the Kalu'ak walrus people. The walrus dudes want you to do this because they want to raise these pups to be peaceful. I found myself wishing there was a quest for the Wolvar tribe so I could go steal their pups back and maybe kill all the walrus guys in the process (skinning them, of course, and making them into quivers).

This issue is, of course, much more complicated than it initially seems. Yes, the walrus dudes think it'd be great to raise all the wolvar pups in the way they think is right and if they do it enough then everybody gets along, right? Except they're stealing babies (ok, well, technically I guess it's me). A quest that goes with that one also has me murder their parents (because they stole stuff from the walruses). And all that murderin' and stealin' aside, they're still trying to erase the entire Wolvar culture. Sure, I can understand them wanting to get rid of it seeing as they get "chewed on" by "powerful Wolvar jaws" occasionally, but the point is, do they really get to make that call? Well, as history shows us now and then, whoever is stronger frequently does make that call. But is it moral?

Consequences

I am not, of course, worried that America's youth is going to turn to torture and genocide. At least, not because of WoW. (American Idol, maybe.) My interest in the topic is purely for roleplaying purposes (on both sides of the table). As a player, I've got to figure out what to do with myself when presented with that situation. In a game like WoW, the consequences (good or bad) frequently take the form of Reputation. I must say I'm happy they sometimes make your actions affect one faction positively and another negatively. While it makes it hard to do everything in the game (at least on one character), I think it makes a vaguely realistic stab as to how your actions affect the opinions of those you interact with.

In D&D, of course, how your character is perceived is up to the capricious whim of real people. I see the most effect from this between players. Especially if there's a Dudley Do-Right in the group, a character stealing a bunch of kids (even with the best of intentions) may find himself at swordpoint if another player disagrees. DM's can set morally questionable situations up in advance to stir up some roleplaying -- but be aware of the above effect of doing so on your players. You want to make things fun, try not to make the powderkeg too large.

Look Both Ways Before You Justify

The largest question in my mind about all this is, "how would my character deal with all this?". People do some crazy things under duress, and under the influence of powerful leadership. There's enough cognitive dissonance floating around in an entire world torn apart by war to rationalize goddamn near anything. So while I, as a pasty white Perl coder with a doughy middle and big screen TV, think these things are questionably moral -- my shaman might feel differently. Before you draw a line in the sand with your character about something, take a few seconds to consider how they might see it. And keep an eye on the paladin when you tell the party what you've decided in case you need to duck.

World Of.... Savings...Craft?

Due in part to the fact that someone has cast Greater Recession on the economy, and also because debt is my wife's favored enemy, my lovely wife Efreak and I are attempting to watch our finances. Accordingly, she concocted for us a budget, and we discussed ways we can pay off the remainder of our debts. After some furious financial critical strikes, I am pleased to say that the only things we have left to pay off are our house, and half of my student loan. I've been paying on the damned thing for 9 years, let nobody tell you state schools are cheap!!!! (Of course, changing one's major twice will do that to you....)

One thing I was rather surprised about was how I was unintentionally saving money. If you'd looked at how I was spending money a year ago, you would see me mostly blowing money on 1> going to the movies, 2> videogames, and 3> electronics. It was not unusual for me to crack $100-150 a month on entertainment. Last month's numbers revealed something surprising: I'd only spent $15 total - solely on my WoW subscription.

I'd had friends tell me before I started playing that this might happen, but I didn't believe it. But it just goes to show: if you're grinding, you're not spending money!

Now I just have to make sure I remember to leave the house now and then.....

An Oath Of Vengeance

So it was that Dante, Stupid Ranger, and I found our characters wandering around Outlands in Hellfire Peninsula. We were freshly 60 and, as an enhancement shaman, I was thoroughly enjoying sending my spirit wolves to feast upon everything I could. The gear was so much better than the old world, and I was running around territory that looked like something out of a Doctor Strange comic. Life was good.

That is, until the night I met the greatest griefer who ever lived.

I was soloing that night, cheerfully mass-murdering the Bloodhollow Orcs over by Spinebreaker post, collecting a basket filled with their vas deferenses so this guy I knew could make stew. Then I noticed I was dead. I panned my camera to see what killed me, but did not see anything. So I found my corpse again, and had only collected one more vas deferens before suddenly I was dead again.

This time, I saw my assailant: it was a red-bearded level 80 human paladin, and his name was Mwxyywyxm. At least, I think that's what it was. I think he designed his name specifically to cause cranial bleeding. I waited until he flew away, and then I resurrected. Two seconds later, I see him swoop down in front of me. Then I died again, and he made a rude gesture at me. I decided it was time to get the hell out of there.

However, my dear friend would have none of this. When I would get to my corpse, he would kill me. When I would rez at the Spirit Healer, he was somehow close enough to know and he would quickly find me and kill me (which made the 25% durability price ever so much more worth it). I eventually decided to hearth, but he got to me before I could leave.

This was starting to become upsetting.

Fourteen resurrections later, I managed to get on my horse and take off toward Zangarmarsh. I must have caught him when he was going to the bathroom or microwaving a defenseless puppy for dinner, because I found myself still alive after a couple minutes. Surely death was right around the corner, waiting to swoop in and kill me! Had I escaped?

Turns out I had. But that's when the real fun started. I started to notice messaged showing up in the local defense channel:

Spinebreaker Post is under attack!
Spinebreaker Post is under attack!
Spinebreaker Post is under attack!
Spinebreaker Post is under attack!
Spinebreaker Post is under attack!
Spinebreaker Post is under attack!
Spinebreaker Post is under attack!
PhatLewts4Me> zomg wtf
Spinebreaker Post is under attack!
Spinebreaker Post is under attack!
Spinebreaker Post is under attack!
PhatLewts4Me> f@## ret pallys killing everyone
FredOrcWaffles> omg somebody come kill this guy

That continued for a few minutes, and then all was silent. Then, another tidal wave:

Thrallmar is under attack!
Thrallmar is under attack!
Thrallmar is under attack!
Thrallmar is under attack!
Thrallmar is under attack!
Thrallmar is under attack!
Thrallmar is under attack!
Thrallmar is under attack!
Thrallmar is under attack!
Aggrodamus> ZOMG HELP MEEEE
Thrallmar is under attack!
Thrallmar is under attack!
Thrallmar is under attack!
PincheeLoafu> jessus everyone in thrallmar is dead
PincheeLoafu> f*#@(king ret pallys
Thrallmar is under attack!
Thrallmar is under attack!

Falcon Watch fell in a similar fashion several minutes later.

Then it hit me. Holy crap. He couldn't find me, so he decided to mess with me by killing every quest giver in the zone. What a DICK.

So I went to Un'Goro Crater and farmed leather. For hours.

I told the tale to my dear friend SirGeekelot, who immediately pronounced: "That guy is my hero".

---

A week later, I was back at it. The rest of the SR team and I had been doing quests in Winterspring. Sure, we could level quicker in Outlands, but we're new to this so it was nice to see all the "old" stuff. Plus that asshole was still out there. But it'd been a week. Surely he's gone. Right? Right?

So we went through the Dark Portal once again, and we were happily collecting the mutated fel-sphincters of some helboars when all of a sudden I saw Stupid Ranger suddenly fall over dead. Dante, as is his nature, immediately charged her assailant. I applauded his bravery, but I already knew the result. I saw the red beard. I saw the jumble of w's, x's, m's and y's. I saw enough damage to make Kel'Thuzad call in sick to work. It was that bastard again.

A half hour later, he'd killed all of us no fewer than twenty times each. We finally decided to call for help from our guildmates. SirGeekelot came to help us on his lvl 80 hunter, either from a desire to help his friends or to meet his new hero. He cheered as the epic battle began.

And then two seconds later, he died. SirGeekelot, that is. WHAT. THE HELL. This happened a couple more times. Then SirGeekelot checked his stats on the Armory. Oh dear, a full set of this year's Arena gear. He was basically a walking PvP machine. Great.

So we called another of our guildies in, and he brought his lvl 80 mage in. And then both of our guildies died, because that asshole had awesome gear and apparently no soul. About 20 minutes later, he eventually flew off. Probably to go kick a nun in the shins.

We never saw him again. But Dengus and I have both sworn this: when we are level 80, we're going to get geared to the teeth, and we're going to find that guy and kill him repeatedly until he wishes he was never born. Then we will kill him again.

Dear WoW Gold Farm Comment Spammers:

The way I see it, you have one of two options:

1. Stop spamming your shit on our blog please. I am tired of cleaning it up.
2. Give me 1000gp a day, and you can post as many retarded gold spam comments as you want. Hell, we'll let you write a guest post. (But, in the popular urban vernacular, bitch had better relinquish my money lest they suffer the backside of Bigby's Pimpin' Hand.)

The choice is yours.

Wowbservations

I have been playing World of Warcraft now for a few weeks, and I have noticed a few strange things:

• They Seem To Have Borrowed Death From Pac-Man
  To a certain extent, anyway. The ghosts in Pac-Man don't die. Their eyes just go back to their cage and they start again. Some might argue that this is inaccurate because the ghosts do not go to find their corpses and ressurect themselves there. I simply believe the ghosts do not care about resurrection sickness and they have no inventory.
  


• Not All Creatures Are Created Equal. (Or Symmetrical.)
  One of the most annoying things about WoW to me is that when I need to go find 18 Thunder Lizard Tails for some random dude, I will very likely need to kill about 40 Thunder Lizards to get them. I can clearly see that you all have tails, Thunder Lizards! A friend suggested that perhaps during battle, I damaged the tails, and that makes them unusable. I would submit that I have 200 ranks in Skinning, and that my devotion to my craft and comittment to making quality leather products would prevent me from doing any such thing. Plus I have a policy of only attacking Thunder Lizards in the face. So unless they are uncontrollably pooping lightning and damaging their tails, I AM OFFICIALLY CALLING SHENANINGANS.
  


• The People Of Azeroth Are Unbelievably Lazy
  In every town, there are all these level 40-50 people standing around, and they've all got problems. Oh, the Sand Kobolds are causing a ruckus and their numbers need thinned! So they need help, and my l33t level 10 skills are just right for the job. So I volunteer. And then I walk down the street a little bit (almost close enough to still be able to see the guy who gave me the quest), kill the offenders, and then go turn in my quest. What, is somebody gonna steal the stump you've been standing on all year? Or do you only have 1 durability left on that level 45 garden hoe you're wielding and you sure as hell aren't gonna pay Groshnak the weaponsmith the 2sp it would take to repair it after what he pulled at poker night???
  
  Maybe they're not lazy. Maybe they're all old people in disguise, and I am simply a lawn-clearing enforcement officer.
  


• Vengeance Is A Dish Best Served With Specific Details
  The quest structure in WoW usually dictates you need to get X of this or kill Y of this. For an RPer like me, this makes some of the quests a little strange. If a local militia leader wants you to drive out a bunch of demons from the forest, he knows how many it will take to do it. If somebody's family's been murdered, they know EXACTLY how many dead Quilboars it will take to make them feel better.
  
  I wish I had that kind of information in my daily life! Then again, when I go to Taco Bell, I would probably have to order and pay four times before one would actually give me a taco (though my inventory would be full of bean burritos).
  

Fun-Eating Zombies

As I mentioned a couple days ago, Team Stupid Ranger has started playing World of Warcraft. I've been fairly pleased with the game so far. It's a bit heavy on the kill <number> of <creature> and bring me its <body part>, but overall I've been having fun exploring new places and doing things as a group.

However, as part of the launch of their new Wrath of the Lich King expansion, zombies have started to appear everywhere in the game (especially near major population centers). And, like most zombies, they kill people, who in turn also become zombies. Sort of. When a player gets turned into a zombie, they can still control their character, and they can't use their old skills but they get a new set of skills revolving around the eating of brains and infecting others. Sometimes you get infected but you haven't turned yet, and it's a race against time to find someone who can cure disease.

It's a very cool idea, and a great thing to do during their Hallow's End celebration. It's a lot of fun for everyone -- well, except low-level players like myself. You see, the problem is that when a level 70 player gets turned into a zombie, he's still strong enough to kill my poor little level 24 shaman in one hit. Sometimes I turn into a zombie, other times I just die outright. Now imagine being me, just trying to turn in some quests so I can keep levelling for the first time. I go into any major city, and a group of at least 10 level 70 zombies is waiting for me. After dying/getting zombified 5 times trying to get away I try to escape this madness by questing in the Barrens, which is basically a field that contains nothing but grass and deadly velociraptors, and there are frickin' zombies roaming around killing low level characters.

I'm really not enjoying this. This makes levelling insanely hard (which makes me even angrier since I am on a limited-time Refer-A-Friend, and I want to try to get a couple characters to lvl 60 before it ends). I'd really be mad if I wasn't playing on a PvP server, those poor bastards on PvE and RP servers are getting PvP they didn't sign up for.

You'd think Blizzard would have learned from what happened in the Corrupted Blood incident a couple years ago that it's a giant pain in the ass when all your major cities are infected and the vast majority of the NPCs you need to talk to are dead (or trying to eat your brains). But that was a little different. That was a bug that people exploited and it spiraled out of control. This is Blizzard basically giving the greenlight for mass griefing. When you get zombified, you're really not able to do much aside from walking around, infecting others, or killing others. So we've got hundreds of players who are basically now bored and have one option available to them. Oh yeah, plus this is an MMO so the Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory is in full effect, so not only are they going to kill everybody they see, they're going to stand around with 50 of their friends and camp your corpse too. If the zombies couldn't all one-shot-kill me, it would help. And I can't play the game I wanted to play, and most of the time I can't play with the zombies infecting others because I'm either dead or one of the level 60 guards kills my weak little level 24 zombie ass (in one shot). I can walk back to my corpse. Over and over again. Which, frankly, is not worth $15/month. What I wish they'd do is make all the zombies weak and slow. You know, like zombies. God knows there are enough of them, and you could even spawn more that weren't players to make it feel like a real live zombie invasion.

Making this worse for me is that the roleplayer in me finds this whole zombie scenario completely amazing. If I didn't have to level and I had to help defend the last bastion of civilization from wave after wave of the undead, trying desperately not to join their ranks, this would be AMAZING. But the execution leaves something to be desired. And by that, I mean if the zombies are here to stay, I'm going to cancel my account. Especially since Blizzard appears to be trying to get more new players and for existing players to make new characters with their triple XP referral program, this is a completely terrible idea. This thought keeps me thinking this is temporary and for effect, so that you take the Lich King seriously as a world-threatening villain. But if they really expect brand new players to hang in there not having fun and never getting anything done for a month while they're ruthlessly repeatedly murdered by members of their own faction "having fun", I hope it comes back to bite them in the ass. Turning it, obviously, into an ass-zombie.